“Charlie Bigham is promoting his cock and bull pie as an alternative to asparagus and oysters and other traditional romantic food. ‘Ever since 1996 I’ve been making my delicious food with all the care that you would if you had the time. After all, there’s (almost) no better way to get together than over a delicious, freshly prepared meal,’ Mr Bigham said. The cooking instructions for the pie encourage people to ‘turn off the phone, light those candles [and] slip into something more comfortable’. ‘Tonight is for lovers, and Charlie’s smoothed the way with this very special aphrodisiac pie that will get you in the mood this Valentine’s,’ the pie’s maker claims. ‘So relax and let nature take its course.” w/ photos

“An 82-year-old rural South Dakota man said to have been lost in the fog was discovered more than 300 miles from his home. Leonard Johnson, of Britton, S.D., was found a six-hour drive away in Grand Rapids, Minn., After having been last spotted on Friday, police were on the lookout for his blue 1990 Ford F-150 truck… Officials said they believed Johnson made his epic wrong turn after encountering dense fog.” w/ photo

“Health bodies may complain but junk food lovers will celebrate after a new pop-up pizza you can cook in four minutes was launched by Marks and Spencer. The pizzas, the first of their kind on the high street, will be available for $2 and have a pre-cooked base. The appetizers come in a ‘pocket’ that will prevent the contents spilling out into the toaster. But critics have said the new snacks may lead to people over-indulging, with a typical slice of the pizza containing 190 to 250 calories, which is twice as much as that of a slice of toast. Tam Fry, of the National Obesity Forum, said: ‘There is nothing that says that pizza can’t be healthy, and the ingredients look intriguing. The feature I like most about the idea is the portion size.” w/ photos

“A Port St. Lucie woman who said her big breasts hindered her ability to perform field sobriety tests was arrested on a DUI charge after starting to dance and disrobe, according to recently released records. During one of the tests, Maureen Raymond, 49, told a Martin County Sheriff’s deputy she couldn’t follow his instructions, saying ‘hell no not with these… not with her big boobies,’ an arrest affidavit states. The case that landed Raymond behind bars began around 9:20 p.m. Jan. 29 when a deputy went to a reckless vehicle call in the area of U.S. 1 and Jensen Beach Boulevard. A deputy spotted a Toyota Camry exceeding the speed limit and crossing the double yellow lines. The Toyota stopped in a Walgreens parking lot. A deputy ‘detected the odor of an alcoholic beverage about’ Raymond, the driver, and found a glass that smelled of booze. When another deputy said they were going to perform roadside tasks, Raymond told the deputy he ‘needed to understand that she is big chested,’ saying big breasts make balancing difficult. Asked if she had any injuries, Raymond said she had big breasts and whiplash.” w/ photos

“A Croatian hospital has framed and mounted a selection of objects that have been removed from patients’ bodies over the last 80 years. Needles, buttons, coins, animal bones and even a metal communist red star swallowed by patients have been carefully mounted in display boxes. They will now be put up on the wall in the main hospital in the southern town of Sibenik. Doctors decided to limit the display to items swallowed by patients. They also have a collection of items that patients had asked to be surgically removed after, they claimed, accidentally sitting on them.” w/ photo

“A woman who appeared to not have any teeth in surveillance photos from a western Pennsylvania bank robbery last month has confessed, apologized and told police she planned the heist because she needed the money for dentures. Evelyn Marie Fuller, 49, of Carmichaels, on Wednesday remained in the Greene County Jail unable to post bond on bank robbery and other charges filed Tuesday by police in Waynesburg, where she allegedly robbed the First National Bank on Jan. 20. Arresting Officer Tom Ankrom said Fuller explained her motives when she confessed to the crime.” w/ photo

“Police in Chile have arrested a man on suspicion of stealing ice from the Jorge Montt Glacier. Officials in the town of Cochrane found five tons of ice in the back of his truck, reports the BBC. Scientists say the glacier, in the Patagonia region, is retreating faster than any other in Chile. Police suspect the ice was destined for the capital, Santiago, to make gourmet ice cubes for use in upmarket bars and restaurants. Tourists in Chile are often served whisky chilled with glacial ice – which has an extra kudos because it comes directly from the glaciers.” w/ photo

“Tourists and Los Angeles natives alike were treated to show starring Catwoman, a Pirate and an Alien. But this time the performance was outside of the Kodak Theatre where a fight broke out between the characters that take the stage on Hollywood Boulevard sidewalks. Fire officials responded to a reported assault around 5:30 p.m. to learn that a fight between Catwoman and Jack Sparrow ended in his getting pepper sprayed. Another character wearing an alien mask was also involved in the brawl, which ended shortly after it began, LAPD officials said. Aerial footage showed a man on the ground surrounded by about half a dozen police.” w/ photo

“A prison inmate who makes stationery and license plates pulled a fast one on state police by adding the image of a pig to the state decal on their cruisers. On the 16-inch car door decals, made by prisoners in Windsor, one of the spots on a cow in a scene with mountains and a pine tree has been changed to the shape of a pig, a derogatory term for police. A Vermont state trooper discovered the pig while inspecting his vehicle on Wednesday. State police say they believe the decals have been added to about 30 cruisers in the past year. About 60 altered decals were made over the last couple of years, said Andy Pallito, commissioner of the Department of Corrections, which is looking into who made the modification and when.” w/ photo

“A firm of private investigators in Australia has been advertising for a $65,513-a-year ‘brothel inspector’. The post involves ‘partaking of sexual services’ undercover on behalf of local councils in New South Wales. The Lyonswood Investigations and Forensic Group in Sydney placed the ad for a ‘Brothel Buster Investigator’ in My Career magazine. Applicants were required to be unmarried and preferably single, willing to have protected sex with prostitutes and to provide sworn evidence in court.” w/ photo