“Ah, the 1980s. We have to work harder these days, if we want to romance a strung out, horse-faced blonde. Thank god there was a way to trick women that was easy on the wallet.”

“Chicks dig guys with ripped eye sockets.”

“Based on a true story about a fictional movie.” — CH

“Silly Bands are the term given to shaped rubber bands that people have begun wearing as bracelets. The animal and object shaped colorful rubber bands have become collectible, traded and worn in multiples on the arms of kids and adults alike. But if you want a little more adult version (or to compete with your children), Kikkerland has designed them in the shape of four different Kama Sutra positions.” w/ photos

“A grandmother from England plans to become a professional Michael Jackson impersonator.”

“This neither elevates nor diminishes Ukraine’s reputation. It fits just right.” — CH

“An Oregon man’s body is covered in tattoos… even his eyeballs are inked! Matt Gone estimates 98 percent of his body is adorned with tattoos. Now, he has tattooed his eyes, injecting the orbs himself. Gone admits he has been obsessed with tattoos for 22 years. His birth defects left some muscles underdeveloped, and the designs hide irregularities on his body. But, doctors warn that his latest eye tattoos could lead to blindness and the loss of his eyes due to infection.”

“It really is only a matter of time before our society dissolves into nothing more than the hollowed out shell of its former self populated by roving bands of blood-thirsty cubicle drones. We’ve seen the Mad Max saga, studied Water World and meditated on The Postman. We know exactly how this shindig ends, we just don’t know when it’ll happen. Which is exactly why you need this beauty of modern engineering. You see, while there are plenty of vehicles suited for roaming the wastes, few can roll through burnt out city centers with the kind of sophistication and comfort as this modified 1993 Lincoln Town Car Limousine. With a mere 117,000 miles on what we’re assured is a meticulously maintained drivetrain, the apocalimo offers everything you need to spar with bandits in style.” w/ photos

“A Chinese man has been rescued after getting his arm trapped down a toilet after dropping his mobile phone inside.”

“A clip of the rejected TV pilot POOCHINSKI from an ABC TV special about failed TV pilots. POOCHINSKI cast Peter Boyle as a cop killed in the line of duty who returns to life as a talking bulldog muppet that reunties with his partner to take a bite out of crime.”