“I don’t know what to say… Yes, I do… Bwhahahahahah!”

“If you mess around at summer camp, use protection.”

“Stomping on a bed of the prettiest flowers… pulling out the roots with ultimate power.”

“There’s a joke there somewhere about a pussy and a cock… but I just cant think of it right now…” — Goresm

“I swore I’d never do another fart video, because they’re crude, juvenile, and just generally an insult to everyone’s intelligence. And now it seems I’ve done another fart video. But I swear this one will be the last.” — OneMinuteGalactica

“5-month-old baby in his Jolly Jumper dancing to the Celtic fiddling of Natalie McMaster.”

“Ball tampering is illegal in soccer… I think.”

“The court ruled a white teen who stabbed a classmate to death will face the jury as a 300-pound black man.” — The Onion

“The young man just wanted to teabag him… that’s all.”

“Captain Caleb Jacobson shares his true life Sea Captain Date love story… I think this is fake… I hope it’s fake.”