“Last summer I was at a cottage with a guy who had a few minor mental issues rolled up into one awesome condition that he seemed to have harnessed into its full potential. The first time I met him he pushed his balls into his stomach as a party trick before he got hopped up on a bunch of acid and, totally naked, crashed a Sea-Doo into a shallow pond of reeds. For the sake of anonymity, I’m going to call him Arnold Swiles. Anyway, while we were sitting around Arnold drew me a diagram of this sex machine he built that turned a pool noodle into his own secret wonderland. The little doodle of a squiggly guy pointing at himself in the mirror while fucking a foam plunger was burned into my mind for weeks. Eventually, my unanswered questions became unbearable, and I had to hop on the ol’ laptop machine for an extended Skype interview with Arnold to find out about the science that goes into making a foam vagina.” w/ photos
